Momma Ventures: Five years

Yesterday was my baby girl's 5th B-day. It is hard to believe that she is 5 years old. It seems like just yesterday that I got to hold her for the first time. I will never forget the day that I got the call that she had been born. They told me how tiny she was. She only weighed 3lbs. The case worker said she is small but seems to be doing fine. I immediately asked if we could come see her. I was told that it would take a court order to get me in to see her. Luckily for us we had one terrific case worker who got the order for us to see her in just a few days. My husband and I drove down to see her, our caseworker had faxed over all of the necessary paper work. We sat in the NICU waiting room. The head nurse came out and said sorry but the hospital social worker has left for the day and she has the court paper work that we need to allow you in. We left heart broken that we couldn't see her. I asked, please just hold her up through the window so we can see. No, sorry, I can't do that the nurse said. So we took the long drive home.
The next day, I called our case worker and told her what had happened. She called and made sure the hospital social worker got the paper work down to the NICU so we could go down that evening. We arrive at the hospital and this time they had the court papers at the NICU and we were allowed to scrub up and put on the hospital gowns to come inside the NICU. I remember seeing her inside of her little bed with a feeding tube and wires connected to her. She was so tiny. I had seen small babies but had never seen a baby as small as her. Her NICU nurse was there and talked to us. The nurse was very stand offish with us. We could tell she was nervous about us being there. I would ask her a question and she would hesitate to answer cause I am sure she wasn't sure what she was legally allowed to say to us. After all, we were just hopeful Foster parents. The only reason we had a chance at seeing her in the hospital was because we were fostering her brother and we said we would take her as a foster baby as well. We had already expressed an interest to the case worker in adopting her brother and the case worker was working toward an adoption goal on the brother when we got the surprise call of Jaiden being born. Her birth through a monkey wrench in the adoption plan. We didn't know what the judge would do now that another baby had been born to the birth mother. Would the judge give the birth mom a chance to get this new baby back or would the judge just add this new baby to the adoption goal of the brother. It was all up in the air, no one knew but here we sat at the NICU willing to take the chance of heartbreak.
I asked the nurse if I could hold her. She said no. I let the issue go, I didn't want to push it. After all I was grateful that the judge let us just come see her. I asked if I could take a picture. The nurse said no. I put the camera away. We sat there staring at this beautiful little baby girl with a full head of hair and began to share with the nurse about our hopes for her. The nurse listen to us tell about her brother we had at home. We told her about our goal of adopting him and how we had started down that path with him and now along came this new little baby girl and how thrilled we were that we could possible have the opportunity to adopt both of them.
Apparently our story melted the nurses heart. She said to me, would you like to hold her? My heart jumped for joy. I answered yes, please, I would love to hold her. The nurse picked her up and let me hold her while she hooked up her next feeding to her her feeding tube. I couldn't believe I was holding this tiny baby. As I sat in a rocking chair holding her, the nurse asked if we were allowed to take pictures of our other foster children. Yes, we can take pictures we just can't take them to go get professional pictures with out consent from the court but pictures around the house are encourage by the court as to memorialize their lives I answered. A few minutes later she said, you can take some pictures of her if you like since it is allowed by the court. My husband got the camera out and began to snap pictures of me holding her. We didn't want to go to crazy with the pictures but it was so hard to hold back and not just click away with the camera. We didn't want to over step this privilege that she had given us.
Over the next month, I would come down ever evening and sit and hold her. When she was taken off of the feeding tube, I would sit and feed her and the nurse would teach me how to feed her and things to do to get her to eat. Feeding a preemie is not like feeding a full term baby. She would tire very easy. Sucking took a lot of energy and I had to learn how to keep her eating. At first it would take her a hour to eat 3 ounces. Before she could leave the hospital she had to eat 3 ounces in 30 minutes. I thought we would never get to that goal.
After being in the NICU for a month, she had met all of her goals, she ate a 3 ounce bottle in 30 minutes, she was holding her body temperature, she could sit in a car seat for 30 minutes with out her heart rate or breathing being effected. I petitioned the court to allow me to take her home from the hospital myself instead of a case worker doing it and then transporting her to me. The court said yes to my request. I was thrilled. I had adopted 2 kids already but had never had the chance to actually take one home from the hospital.
The day came to take her home. I bought her a preemie outfit to wear home. I dressed her in the NICU. The outfit was too big! She weighed 4lbs now but was still so tiny. I remember driving away from the hospital with this tiny baby and being so ecstatic and yet also knowing that it could all be taken away from me at the snap of a finger.
The next few months was all up in the air. The case worker had to go back to court and try to add the new baby to the adoption goal that her brother was on. All the evidence that was being used to support the adoption goal of the brother still was relevant to the new baby but sometimes the way the judges think, you just never know what they will do. Luckily for us, the judge allowed Jaiden to be added to the adoption goal. We were so happy that he did. Once Jaiden was added to the adoption goal things progressed smoothly and quickly toward us adopting both of them. Almost one year after Jaiden was born, we finalized the adoption of her and her brother.

Since Jaiden was so small at birth, she had a lot of hurdles to overcome. Her milestones were slow at coming but she did obtain them, just way behind where she should have. The doctors kept telling me, she is okay, she is reaching milestones but just at a slower pace since she was such a preemie. I went along with it. At 2years old, she was not talking. I pressed for a referral to speech/language pathologist and to an occupational therapist. By the time we got an evaluation and worked out all the insurance stuff and got her on a therapy schedule, she was nearing her 3rd Bday and still not talking. In fact by now, she was getting frustrated that she could not communicate her wants to us. She would often cry and throw a fit to get something. A lot of times, we didnt' know what she wanted and would just have to guess until we got it right. Both her and myself were feeling the frustration of it. I wanted more than anything to know what she wanted.
During the time of playing the insurance waiting game, we proceeded with seeking and explanation of what could be going on with her. We took her to see several specialist. One specialist told me that she was going to be mentally retard and probably would never speak. I was flabbergasted at how this doctor spoke to me. He spoke to me like I was just some person who was transporting a child from place to place. He was so cold and matter of fact. I left his office vowing that she would prove this doctor wrong.We took her to see other specialist who told us numerous things that could be wrong. Some told us to prepare for her to never speak more than a few words. Others told us her mental capacity was going to be very limited.
Not only has she proved the doctors wrong, she has done more than most of her therapist ever thought she would do. Her occupational therapist dismissed her from therapy at the beginning of this year because she was testing out above her age level. In her language, she is talking more than any one ever thought she would. In several speech areas she is testing out on age level but she still has many areas she is testing out at below her age level. She still has some work ahead of her in her language processing but I couldn't have dreamed she would be were she is today. She surprises me everyday with things she says. On her 5th b-day she said something that wowed me. In the car on the way to therapy, she said to her oldest brother, If you want some of my b-day cake, you will help me fix this now. I laughed at what she said, I shouldn't have laughed but I did cause I was so caught off guard at what she said. This child who doctors said wouldn't speak and would be mentally retarded came up with on her own a threat to get help out of her brother. That threat took some thought to put together!
I said all of this to say how absolutely proud I am to be the mother to this precious little girl. I wouldn't trade her for anything. Happy Birthday Jaiden!!!