Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Stomach virus
It's official, the stomach virus has hit my house. It started Easter morning with my youngest son. I thought he just ate something that didn't agree with him but by the end of the day, it was apparent that it was more than that. I tried my darnedest to keep him away from all the others but low and behold Monday night my youngest daughter began throwing up. Then this morning, the hubby awoke saying his stomach wasn't feeling to wonderful. The numbers are dwindling fast. Crossing my fingers this is just a 24 to 48 hour bug!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Hunger
I was listening to a radio broadcast from Chuck Swindoll and he said something that really struck a chord with me.
I have often prayed before, Lord give me a hunger for you. Give me a hunger for your word. Even though I try to read my Bible and have a consistent prayer life. I just always have this deep desire to be hungrier for Him that I am not as hungry as I should be that I should want more of Him.
Chuck Swindoll was talking about hunger for God. He said when we have a physical hunger we go and eat to satisfy the hunger. Once we are done eating the hunger is fulfilled and satisfied until what we have eaten has passed through us and our stomach is empty again. A hunger for God doesn't work in the same way a physical hunger works. We think that we will feel a hunger for God like we feel hunger for eating. Swindoll said a hunger for things of God is not satisfied, it will only grow the more we read His word and pray. The closer we get to God the more hungrier we become. We will never reach a full feeling that in fact the opposite is true, the more you pray and read His word the more you want to do those things. When he said that something just click in my spirit. Here I was looking for this physical hunger type pains but instead I am hungry for God because I keep wanting more and more of Him. When we are truly hungry for the things of God, we are always in search for more of Him, the hungrier pains never dim they should only grow.
I believe as a christian we should always be wanting a move of God in our lives. We should want to see God move in our churches and in our families. We should never be satisfied when we feel we have reached a certain level. So many, I think, come to know Jesus and never start the hunger process for more of Him. There prayer life and Bible reading is at a stand still and therefore their hunger pains feel satisfied cause they aren't seeking a closer walk with God. Let me tell you, the closer you are to God the sweeter it is!! I have such a hunger to see more of Him, to see Him do things in my life, to be so close to God to hear His whisper. I want Him to use me, to grow my ministries that I am involved in, to use my talents for God.
I know most are probably tired of me quoting songs but I just can't help it. Music is in my blood! So many songs just speak what I am trying to say. Many minister to me so much that I can't help but share them. The chorus of this song says it all for me. I want to get so close to Him that on the day he calls me home its no big change. What does that mean? It means that I am so close to God that the transition to heaven seems like being here. That I have been so in tuned to God here on earth that being in His presence in heaven is no shock to my system.
One Day Jesus Will Call My Name
Verse 1
Some days drag and some days fly
And some days I think of the day I’ll die
Some days fill me and some days drain
And one day Jesus will call my name
Chorus
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
Verse 2
Most days I pray, but some days I curse.
A said number of days I put myself first.
But it’s not what I do, the cross made that plain.
And one day Jesus will call my name!
Chorus
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
I have often prayed before, Lord give me a hunger for you. Give me a hunger for your word. Even though I try to read my Bible and have a consistent prayer life. I just always have this deep desire to be hungrier for Him that I am not as hungry as I should be that I should want more of Him.
Chuck Swindoll was talking about hunger for God. He said when we have a physical hunger we go and eat to satisfy the hunger. Once we are done eating the hunger is fulfilled and satisfied until what we have eaten has passed through us and our stomach is empty again. A hunger for God doesn't work in the same way a physical hunger works. We think that we will feel a hunger for God like we feel hunger for eating. Swindoll said a hunger for things of God is not satisfied, it will only grow the more we read His word and pray. The closer we get to God the more hungrier we become. We will never reach a full feeling that in fact the opposite is true, the more you pray and read His word the more you want to do those things. When he said that something just click in my spirit. Here I was looking for this physical hunger type pains but instead I am hungry for God because I keep wanting more and more of Him. When we are truly hungry for the things of God, we are always in search for more of Him, the hungrier pains never dim they should only grow.
I believe as a christian we should always be wanting a move of God in our lives. We should want to see God move in our churches and in our families. We should never be satisfied when we feel we have reached a certain level. So many, I think, come to know Jesus and never start the hunger process for more of Him. There prayer life and Bible reading is at a stand still and therefore their hunger pains feel satisfied cause they aren't seeking a closer walk with God. Let me tell you, the closer you are to God the sweeter it is!! I have such a hunger to see more of Him, to see Him do things in my life, to be so close to God to hear His whisper. I want Him to use me, to grow my ministries that I am involved in, to use my talents for God.
I know most are probably tired of me quoting songs but I just can't help it. Music is in my blood! So many songs just speak what I am trying to say. Many minister to me so much that I can't help but share them. The chorus of this song says it all for me. I want to get so close to Him that on the day he calls me home its no big change. What does that mean? It means that I am so close to God that the transition to heaven seems like being here. That I have been so in tuned to God here on earth that being in His presence in heaven is no shock to my system.
One Day Jesus Will Call My Name
Verse 1
Some days drag and some days fly
And some days I think of the day I’ll die
Some days fill me and some days drain
And one day Jesus will call my name
Chorus
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
Verse 2
Most days I pray, but some days I curse.
A said number of days I put myself first.
But it’s not what I do, the cross made that plain.
And one day Jesus will call my name!
Chorus
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, ‘hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Resurrection Day
"Why do you seeking the living among the dead", the angel said. The tomb is empty! Jesus is alive!
Thank you Lord for dying on the cross and arising from the dead so that I might have life!
Thank you Lord for dying on the cross and arising from the dead so that I might have life!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Alone
Music is something that really ministers to me. There are times when I get more from a service from the music than I do a sermon. During the week, in my car or at home, I love to have music playing. The older I get the more I have become stuck on listening to just praise and worship type music. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy other types of music and I will occasionally listen to other types but there is something about praise and worship that I just love.
I find that some Christians feel that they can only worship God while at church that they can't be at home or in their car and worship God. There is something to be said of just singing a praise song to God while you are alone.
An explanation I once heard was that, “Worship is the individual adoration of God.” It’s you and God, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.
There is a song I have found that kind of sums up how I feel about worshiping God. All the wonderful bands and orchestras that churches have are beautiful and I love hearing them. I love hearing a good Choir sing, I have a great choir I direct at my church but there is something to be said of worshiping Him alone.
This song is called Alone by Clint Brown.
Lyrics are:
You don’t need majestic choirs
With awesome voices raised
You don’t need a congregation
To offer Me your praise
You don’t need a mighty orchestra to bless Me with your song
You get all of My attention when you worship me alone.
When He is not worshiped alone, He is not worshiped~ Augustine. What a powerful statement. Do you worship Him alone? What are you dependent on to enter into worship? Do you create an atmosphere of worship in your home for your children to see? We need to instill a lifelong desire and passion within our children to worship God, alone, without us next to them, without a congregation surrounding them. How do we do that? By setting an example. Worshiping God where ever you may be and what ever you are doing. Not just at church but at home, at work, in the car, where ever you are.
“From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise…” Psalm 8:2
"I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
I find that some Christians feel that they can only worship God while at church that they can't be at home or in their car and worship God. There is something to be said of just singing a praise song to God while you are alone.
An explanation I once heard was that, “Worship is the individual adoration of God.” It’s you and God, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.
There is a song I have found that kind of sums up how I feel about worshiping God. All the wonderful bands and orchestras that churches have are beautiful and I love hearing them. I love hearing a good Choir sing, I have a great choir I direct at my church but there is something to be said of worshiping Him alone.
This song is called Alone by Clint Brown.
Lyrics are:
You don’t need majestic choirs
With awesome voices raised
You don’t need a congregation
To offer Me your praise
You don’t need a mighty orchestra to bless Me with your song
You get all of My attention when you worship me alone.
When He is not worshiped alone, He is not worshiped~ Augustine. What a powerful statement. Do you worship Him alone? What are you dependent on to enter into worship? Do you create an atmosphere of worship in your home for your children to see? We need to instill a lifelong desire and passion within our children to worship God, alone, without us next to them, without a congregation surrounding them. How do we do that? By setting an example. Worshiping God where ever you may be and what ever you are doing. Not just at church but at home, at work, in the car, where ever you are.
“From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise…” Psalm 8:2
"I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Not Me
I am convinced that we have a 7th person living in our home. This person is very inconspicuous most of the time. I never find them at the dinner table or on an outing with us. The strange thing is they seem to leave messes and do things in the house that no one else does. It is the oddest thing. Just this morning this 7th person left a huge mess on the kitchen table. I of course, incorrectly thought my oldest son had forgotten to clean up after himself but my son informed me it was Not Me that had left the mess. Funny though I never saw Not Me eating breakfast. But this was not the first time Not Me has done something. Apparently, he or she does things all the time and leaves it to be blamed on my poor innocent children.
I told my children I was so tired of Not Me blaming them for all of these messes. I am ready to kick Not Me out of the house! He or She must go out on their own. Since we seem to not catch Not Me, I informed the children I was going to have cameras set up all over the house so we can catch Not Me red handed. It seems I am the only one in the house that has not seen not me, even my beloved husband has had a few encounters with Not Me. My family is under attack and it is time to take revenge on Not Me!!
Once I catch Not Me, I will be sure to post a picture of them so other mom's can be sure not to let him/her into your home too. I have heard he travels from house to house causing havoc.
I told my children I was so tired of Not Me blaming them for all of these messes. I am ready to kick Not Me out of the house! He or She must go out on their own. Since we seem to not catch Not Me, I informed the children I was going to have cameras set up all over the house so we can catch Not Me red handed. It seems I am the only one in the house that has not seen not me, even my beloved husband has had a few encounters with Not Me. My family is under attack and it is time to take revenge on Not Me!!
Once I catch Not Me, I will be sure to post a picture of them so other mom's can be sure not to let him/her into your home too. I have heard he travels from house to house causing havoc.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Calgon take me away
I woke up this morning and laid in bed contemplating of whether or not I should hit the snooze button. My first thought was to turn off the alarm and just go back to sleep but then I knew my daughters therapist was expecting us and if I didn't call and cancel the session I would be docked. My brain worked overtime thinking of what excuse I could give to the therapist the next day for not showing up in hopes of her some how forgiving the no show. My car wouldn't start, the alarm didn't go off, the car broke down on the way in, but none of them seem good enough and I knew I couldn't lie! By this time I had laid awake for 15 minutes and I knew we would be late if I didn't get up and get the kids up and going soon. So after all that thought I finally dragged my body out of bed.
This to me is a sure sign that I need a vacation and I need one soon! If I don't get away soon you may find me standing in the midst of screaming children saying "Calgon take me away!"
For those of you who don't know what Calgon is here is an old old commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KJoSsC9sCs&feature=player_embedded
This to me is a sure sign that I need a vacation and I need one soon! If I don't get away soon you may find me standing in the midst of screaming children saying "Calgon take me away!"
For those of you who don't know what Calgon is here is an old old commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KJoSsC9sCs&feature=player_embedded
Sunday, April 10, 2011
It is Well
The hymn "It is well with my soul" was written in 1873. It is a beautiful hymn with inspiring words but what makes the words that much more inspiring is the story behind why he wrote the words.
The author is Horatio Spafford. He wrote the hymn after two major traumas in his life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, he was inspired to write the words to this hymn. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief they have on this earth.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
What words we all should strive to live by. I can't imagine having lost all that this man had lost. Even though he lost his children and his fortune he still found the Peace of God and stood steadfast and said It is all well with my soul God. What strength that took. What a steadfast faith that took to stand in the midst of it all and say, God, no matter what, I am with you and you have made it all well with my soul.
I pray that God gives me that same kind of steadfast faith. Is it well with you soul? It is well with mine!
The author is Horatio Spafford. He wrote the hymn after two major traumas in his life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, he was inspired to write the words to this hymn. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief they have on this earth.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Chorus
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Chorus
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Chorus
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Chorus
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Chorus
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
What words we all should strive to live by. I can't imagine having lost all that this man had lost. Even though he lost his children and his fortune he still found the Peace of God and stood steadfast and said It is all well with my soul God. What strength that took. What a steadfast faith that took to stand in the midst of it all and say, God, no matter what, I am with you and you have made it all well with my soul.
I pray that God gives me that same kind of steadfast faith. Is it well with you soul? It is well with mine!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Saving game
I am addicted to coupons. I have been using coupons for about 3 years. Before I started using coupons, I would go to the grocery store and buy what was need for the next two weeks and if it happened to be on sale that particular day, yeah me. Then my husband lost his job and I had to find a way to cut expenses, so I started cutting coupons out of the Sunday paper. When I first started using coupons, I found I was actually buying things I didn't need just because I have a coupon. Then I stumbled on a coupon website called southernsavers.com and I read through all of her information and learned the best way to use coupons. It changed how I shopped and I started seeing my monthly grocery bill go down. In about 3 months time of using coupons the correct way, I saw my grocery bill go down to $50 a week!! That is $50 a week for 6 people and includes all my paper goods, cleaning supplies and tolietries!! I will never go back to paying full price for groceries again.
People ask me all the time, how I do it. They think I spend countless hours making my shopping list and getting coupons. That is so far from the truth! i spend approximately 2 to 3 hours a week working on my shopping list and getting the coupons together I need and I do it sitting on my couch watching TV at night with my husband. So really, for the amount of time I put in and the amount of money I save, it is soooo worth it!
This week I went to Publix and bought $130 worth of groceries for $48 bucks and this week I actually bought a couple things that weren't on sale because of my daughter's B-day. I look at cereal and think wow did I actually use to pay $4 a box? I bought 4 boxes of cereal for $4 dollars this week!! We eat better now than we did before I used coupons. I also am able to help out my church's food pantry by buying things for cents and donating it to the pantry.
I love it! Check out www.Southernsavers.com if you want to learn what I do. If you live in the Bay area, I will be teaching a free coupon class showing people how to use coupons on April 30th. Send me a message if you are interested in learning more about the class.
People ask me all the time, how I do it. They think I spend countless hours making my shopping list and getting coupons. That is so far from the truth! i spend approximately 2 to 3 hours a week working on my shopping list and getting the coupons together I need and I do it sitting on my couch watching TV at night with my husband. So really, for the amount of time I put in and the amount of money I save, it is soooo worth it!
This week I went to Publix and bought $130 worth of groceries for $48 bucks and this week I actually bought a couple things that weren't on sale because of my daughter's B-day. I look at cereal and think wow did I actually use to pay $4 a box? I bought 4 boxes of cereal for $4 dollars this week!! We eat better now than we did before I used coupons. I also am able to help out my church's food pantry by buying things for cents and donating it to the pantry.
I love it! Check out www.Southernsavers.com if you want to learn what I do. If you live in the Bay area, I will be teaching a free coupon class showing people how to use coupons on April 30th. Send me a message if you are interested in learning more about the class.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Do you believe?
I have several friends that would classify themselves as atheist. You may ask, how could I someone with a strong faith in God be friends with someone who doesn't believe in God. It is called respect. They know how I believe, I know how they believe and we respect that. That doesn't mean occasionally we have a good debate, one friend in particular, we debate often. I find it intellectually stimulating to debate. He will never change me and it sharpens my faith when I debate. I found some good quotes about atheism. Thought I would share them for those atheist friends of mine. Those of you who do believe will get a kick out of them too!!
Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.
~Author Unknown
Humanism or atheism is a wonderful philosophy of life as long as you are big, strong, and between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five. But watch out if you are in a lifeboat and there are others who are younger, bigger, or smarter. --William Murray
Atheism is a crutch for those who cannot bear the reality of God. -- Tom Stoppard
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful, and has nobody to thank.--Dante Gabriel Rossetti
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. --G.K. Chesterton
Atheists express their rage against God although in their view He does not exist. --C. S. Lewis
Shouldn't atheist have an equal obligation to explain pleasure in a world of randomness. Where does pleasure come from? –G.K. Chesterton
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Five years
Yesterday was my baby girl's 5th B-day. It is hard to believe that she is 5 years old. It seems like just yesterday that I got to hold her for the first time. I will never forget the day that I got the call that she had been born. They told me how tiny she was. She only weighed 3lbs. The case worker said she is small but seems to be doing fine. I immediately asked if we could come see her. I was told that it would take a court order to get me in to see her. Luckily for us we had one terrific case worker who got the order for us to see her in just a few days. My husband and I drove down to see her, our caseworker had faxed over all of the necessary paper work. We sat in the NICU waiting room. The head nurse came out and said sorry but the hospital social worker has left for the day and she has the court paper work that we need to allow you in. We left heart broken that we couldn't see her. I asked, please just hold her up through the window so we can see. No, sorry, I can't do that the nurse said. So we took the long drive home.
The next day, I called our case worker and told her what had happened. She called and made sure the hospital social worker got the paper work down to the NICU so we could go down that evening. We arrive at the hospital and this time they had the court papers at the NICU and we were allowed to scrub up and put on the hospital gowns to come inside the NICU. I remember seeing her inside of her little bed with a feeding tube and wires connected to her. She was so tiny. I had seen small babies but had never seen a baby as small as her. Her NICU nurse was there and talked to us. The nurse was very stand offish with us. We could tell she was nervous about us being there. I would ask her a question and she would hesitate to answer cause I am sure she wasn't sure what she was legally allowed to say to us. After all, we were just hopeful Foster parents. The only reason we had a chance at seeing her in the hospital was because we were fostering her brother and we said we would take her as a foster baby as well. We had already expressed an interest to the case worker in adopting her brother and the case worker was working toward an adoption goal on the brother when we got the surprise call of Jaiden being born. Her birth through a monkey wrench in the adoption plan. We didn't know what the judge would do now that another baby had been born to the birth mother. Would the judge give the birth mom a chance to get this new baby back or would the judge just add this new baby to the adoption goal of the brother. It was all up in the air, no one knew but here we sat at the NICU willing to take the chance of heartbreak.
I asked the nurse if I could hold her. She said no. I let the issue go, I didn't want to push it. After all I was grateful that the judge let us just come see her. I asked if I could take a picture. The nurse said no. I put the camera away. We sat there staring at this beautiful little baby girl with a full head of hair and began to share with the nurse about our hopes for her. The nurse listen to us tell about her brother we had at home. We told her about our goal of adopting him and how we had started down that path with him and now along came this new little baby girl and how thrilled we were that we could possible have the opportunity to adopt both of them.
Apparently our story melted the nurses heart. She said to me, would you like to hold her? My heart jumped for joy. I answered yes, please, I would love to hold her. The nurse picked her up and let me hold her while she hooked up her next feeding to her her feeding tube. I couldn't believe I was holding this tiny baby. As I sat in a rocking chair holding her, the nurse asked if we were allowed to take pictures of our other foster children. Yes, we can take pictures we just can't take them to go get professional pictures with out consent from the court but pictures around the house are encourage by the court as to memorialize their lives I answered. A few minutes later she said, you can take some pictures of her if you like since it is allowed by the court. My husband got the camera out and began to snap pictures of me holding her. We didn't want to go to crazy with the pictures but it was so hard to hold back and not just click away with the camera. We didn't want to over step this privilege that she had given us.
Over the next month, I would come down ever evening and sit and hold her. When she was taken off of the feeding tube, I would sit and feed her and the nurse would teach me how to feed her and things to do to get her to eat. Feeding a preemie is not like feeding a full term baby. She would tire very easy. Sucking took a lot of energy and I had to learn how to keep her eating. At first it would take her a hour to eat 3 ounces. Before she could leave the hospital she had to eat 3 ounces in 30 minutes. I thought we would never get to that goal.
After being in the NICU for a month, she had met all of her goals, she ate a 3 ounce bottle in 30 minutes, she was holding her body temperature, she could sit in a car seat for 30 minutes with out her heart rate or breathing being effected. I petitioned the court to allow me to take her home from the hospital myself instead of a case worker doing it and then transporting her to me. The court said yes to my request. I was thrilled. I had adopted 2 kids already but had never had the chance to actually take one home from the hospital.
The day came to take her home. I bought her a preemie outfit to wear home. I dressed her in the NICU. The outfit was too big! She weighed 4lbs now but was still so tiny. I remember driving away from the hospital with this tiny baby and being so ecstatic and yet also knowing that it could all be taken away from me at the snap of a finger.
The next few months was all up in the air. The case worker had to go back to court and try to add the new baby to the adoption goal that her brother was on. All the evidence that was being used to support the adoption goal of the brother still was relevant to the new baby but sometimes the way the judges think, you just never know what they will do. Luckily for us, the judge allowed Jaiden to be added to the adoption goal. We were so happy that he did. Once Jaiden was added to the adoption goal things progressed smoothly and quickly toward us adopting both of them. Almost one year after Jaiden was born, we finalized the adoption of her and her brother.
Since Jaiden was so small at birth, she had a lot of hurdles to overcome. Her milestones were slow at coming but she did obtain them, just way behind where she should have. The doctors kept telling me, she is okay, she is reaching milestones but just at a slower pace since she was such a preemie. I went along with it. At 2years old, she was not talking. I pressed for a referral to speech/language pathologist and to an occupational therapist. By the time we got an evaluation and worked out all the insurance stuff and got her on a therapy schedule, she was nearing her 3rd Bday and still not talking. In fact by now, she was getting frustrated that she could not communicate her wants to us. She would often cry and throw a fit to get something. A lot of times, we didnt' know what she wanted and would just have to guess until we got it right. Both her and myself were feeling the frustration of it. I wanted more than anything to know what she wanted.
During the time of playing the insurance waiting game, we proceeded with seeking and explanation of what could be going on with her. We took her to see several specialist. One specialist told me that she was going to be mentally retard and probably would never speak. I was flabbergasted at how this doctor spoke to me. He spoke to me like I was just some person who was transporting a child from place to place. He was so cold and matter of fact. I left his office vowing that she would prove this doctor wrong.We took her to see other specialist who told us numerous things that could be wrong. Some told us to prepare for her to never speak more than a few words. Others told us her mental capacity was going to be very limited.
Not only has she proved the doctors wrong, she has done more than most of her therapist ever thought she would do. Her occupational therapist dismissed her from therapy at the beginning of this year because she was testing out above her age level. In her language, she is talking more than any one ever thought she would. In several speech areas she is testing out on age level but she still has many areas she is testing out at below her age level. She still has some work ahead of her in her language processing but I couldn't have dreamed she would be were she is today. She surprises me everyday with things she says. On her 5th b-day she said something that wowed me. In the car on the way to therapy, she said to her oldest brother, If you want some of my b-day cake, you will help me fix this now. I laughed at what she said, I shouldn't have laughed but I did cause I was so caught off guard at what she said. This child who doctors said wouldn't speak and would be mentally retarded came up with on her own a threat to get help out of her brother. That threat took some thought to put together!
I said all of this to say how absolutely proud I am to be the mother to this precious little girl. I wouldn't trade her for anything. Happy Birthday Jaiden!!!
The next day, I called our case worker and told her what had happened. She called and made sure the hospital social worker got the paper work down to the NICU so we could go down that evening. We arrive at the hospital and this time they had the court papers at the NICU and we were allowed to scrub up and put on the hospital gowns to come inside the NICU. I remember seeing her inside of her little bed with a feeding tube and wires connected to her. She was so tiny. I had seen small babies but had never seen a baby as small as her. Her NICU nurse was there and talked to us. The nurse was very stand offish with us. We could tell she was nervous about us being there. I would ask her a question and she would hesitate to answer cause I am sure she wasn't sure what she was legally allowed to say to us. After all, we were just hopeful Foster parents. The only reason we had a chance at seeing her in the hospital was because we were fostering her brother and we said we would take her as a foster baby as well. We had already expressed an interest to the case worker in adopting her brother and the case worker was working toward an adoption goal on the brother when we got the surprise call of Jaiden being born. Her birth through a monkey wrench in the adoption plan. We didn't know what the judge would do now that another baby had been born to the birth mother. Would the judge give the birth mom a chance to get this new baby back or would the judge just add this new baby to the adoption goal of the brother. It was all up in the air, no one knew but here we sat at the NICU willing to take the chance of heartbreak.
I asked the nurse if I could hold her. She said no. I let the issue go, I didn't want to push it. After all I was grateful that the judge let us just come see her. I asked if I could take a picture. The nurse said no. I put the camera away. We sat there staring at this beautiful little baby girl with a full head of hair and began to share with the nurse about our hopes for her. The nurse listen to us tell about her brother we had at home. We told her about our goal of adopting him and how we had started down that path with him and now along came this new little baby girl and how thrilled we were that we could possible have the opportunity to adopt both of them.
Apparently our story melted the nurses heart. She said to me, would you like to hold her? My heart jumped for joy. I answered yes, please, I would love to hold her. The nurse picked her up and let me hold her while she hooked up her next feeding to her her feeding tube. I couldn't believe I was holding this tiny baby. As I sat in a rocking chair holding her, the nurse asked if we were allowed to take pictures of our other foster children. Yes, we can take pictures we just can't take them to go get professional pictures with out consent from the court but pictures around the house are encourage by the court as to memorialize their lives I answered. A few minutes later she said, you can take some pictures of her if you like since it is allowed by the court. My husband got the camera out and began to snap pictures of me holding her. We didn't want to go to crazy with the pictures but it was so hard to hold back and not just click away with the camera. We didn't want to over step this privilege that she had given us.
Over the next month, I would come down ever evening and sit and hold her. When she was taken off of the feeding tube, I would sit and feed her and the nurse would teach me how to feed her and things to do to get her to eat. Feeding a preemie is not like feeding a full term baby. She would tire very easy. Sucking took a lot of energy and I had to learn how to keep her eating. At first it would take her a hour to eat 3 ounces. Before she could leave the hospital she had to eat 3 ounces in 30 minutes. I thought we would never get to that goal.
After being in the NICU for a month, she had met all of her goals, she ate a 3 ounce bottle in 30 minutes, she was holding her body temperature, she could sit in a car seat for 30 minutes with out her heart rate or breathing being effected. I petitioned the court to allow me to take her home from the hospital myself instead of a case worker doing it and then transporting her to me. The court said yes to my request. I was thrilled. I had adopted 2 kids already but had never had the chance to actually take one home from the hospital.
The day came to take her home. I bought her a preemie outfit to wear home. I dressed her in the NICU. The outfit was too big! She weighed 4lbs now but was still so tiny. I remember driving away from the hospital with this tiny baby and being so ecstatic and yet also knowing that it could all be taken away from me at the snap of a finger.
The next few months was all up in the air. The case worker had to go back to court and try to add the new baby to the adoption goal that her brother was on. All the evidence that was being used to support the adoption goal of the brother still was relevant to the new baby but sometimes the way the judges think, you just never know what they will do. Luckily for us, the judge allowed Jaiden to be added to the adoption goal. We were so happy that he did. Once Jaiden was added to the adoption goal things progressed smoothly and quickly toward us adopting both of them. Almost one year after Jaiden was born, we finalized the adoption of her and her brother.
Since Jaiden was so small at birth, she had a lot of hurdles to overcome. Her milestones were slow at coming but she did obtain them, just way behind where she should have. The doctors kept telling me, she is okay, she is reaching milestones but just at a slower pace since she was such a preemie. I went along with it. At 2years old, she was not talking. I pressed for a referral to speech/language pathologist and to an occupational therapist. By the time we got an evaluation and worked out all the insurance stuff and got her on a therapy schedule, she was nearing her 3rd Bday and still not talking. In fact by now, she was getting frustrated that she could not communicate her wants to us. She would often cry and throw a fit to get something. A lot of times, we didnt' know what she wanted and would just have to guess until we got it right. Both her and myself were feeling the frustration of it. I wanted more than anything to know what she wanted.
During the time of playing the insurance waiting game, we proceeded with seeking and explanation of what could be going on with her. We took her to see several specialist. One specialist told me that she was going to be mentally retard and probably would never speak. I was flabbergasted at how this doctor spoke to me. He spoke to me like I was just some person who was transporting a child from place to place. He was so cold and matter of fact. I left his office vowing that she would prove this doctor wrong.We took her to see other specialist who told us numerous things that could be wrong. Some told us to prepare for her to never speak more than a few words. Others told us her mental capacity was going to be very limited.
Not only has she proved the doctors wrong, she has done more than most of her therapist ever thought she would do. Her occupational therapist dismissed her from therapy at the beginning of this year because she was testing out above her age level. In her language, she is talking more than any one ever thought she would. In several speech areas she is testing out on age level but she still has many areas she is testing out at below her age level. She still has some work ahead of her in her language processing but I couldn't have dreamed she would be were she is today. She surprises me everyday with things she says. On her 5th b-day she said something that wowed me. In the car on the way to therapy, she said to her oldest brother, If you want some of my b-day cake, you will help me fix this now. I laughed at what she said, I shouldn't have laughed but I did cause I was so caught off guard at what she said. This child who doctors said wouldn't speak and would be mentally retarded came up with on her own a threat to get help out of her brother. That threat took some thought to put together!
I said all of this to say how absolutely proud I am to be the mother to this precious little girl. I wouldn't trade her for anything. Happy Birthday Jaiden!!!
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| 9 days old. Who could have resisted her? |
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| Me holding her for the first time. |
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| This her on her Birthday wearing her new outfit. She has matching hairbows, glasses and a backpack!Too cute! |
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