Clarifying

I wrote my last post about Mother's Day the night before Mother's Day and later after the holiday had passed and my feelings had subsided, I came back and read it.  I think people could misconstrue what I was saying. I thought I would write a follow up post to maybe help clear up my feelings.

Let me say, adoption is the most wonderful thing in the world. I love all 4 of my kids. They are my entire world. I am with them 24/7 and I wouldn't change that for anything. I love staying at home with them and homeschooling and being there with them. Sure, there are moments when I want to scream "Calgon take me away" but I think every mother has those moments. 

Each of my children came to my husband and I under different circumstances. I will not go into those circumstances but I will say they were not all the best of situations. They were all removed from their birth homes for various reasons.  We had a lot of ups and downs during the process of each of the adoptions. Each time when we stood before the judge to finalize one of the adoptions was one of the best days in my life.  You will never ever hear me say these are my adopted kids when I introduce them to people. In fact, there are people who have known me, that had no idea they were adopted simply because I didn't talk about it. Why should I? They are mine! Just because I adopted them doesn't mean they are any less mine.

So all of this brings me back to Mother's Day. I love my kids so much Mother's Day is just a reminder to me that I couldn't protect them from every hurt and pain in life, especially a hurt when they were the most vulnerable, a baby. This is what grieves me. I would do anything if I could have carried them in my womb, keeping all genetics the same, just to protect them from the hurt they were going to experience so early in life.  Yes, I know that isn't possible but it is what kills me inside and mother's day is just a reminder of my inadequacies. All the talk on Mother's Day of how mother's give you life and how mother's do this and that just is a consistent reminder on that day. This is not something I dwell on everyday. Sure occasionally I do think about it on other days but Mother's Day it seems it is thrown in my face all day long. What I do enjoy on that day is being with my kids and just loving them.

One of the best things this Mother's Day was spending part of the day with my two daughters and they put make up on me, fixed my hair, gave me a pedicure and manicure. Now that is priceless.  Nothing could beat that!

I know that might not make much since to everyone but that is how I feel.